#Hopecore
Can we feel good in this world? I don't know, but I will die trying.
I like long walks along the…concrete streets of industrial West Oakland.
These days you can find me walking with no destination in sight, just walking until my body signals to me it’s ready to rest. My walks can last as long as two hours or as short as thirty minutes. Sometimes I listen to podcasts or music and other times I make myself listen to the world. The rustling of the leaves in the trees, trucks heading to the highway, tiny birds singing, or the men on the corner grilling food who smile at me as I pass by.
On these walks I am often in awe of the northern California scenery, as I can’t seem to get over the sheer amount of trees, the height of mountains, or how pretty the sky is. I do this as I walk in what is deemed an “unsafe” neighborhood. I am acutely aware of my surroundings, as I am very well versed in finding beauty where others think there is none. I see beauty in my birthplace of The Bronx, on the streets of Oakland, and in the faces of my black community.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of hope and spirituality. Nothing makes me feel closer to God than when I see the sunlight peeking through the trees while I feel air leave my body. Church isn’t really my favorite place, but I do feel God everywhere. Spirituality and sentimentality has always been part of me, but as I get older and grieve more, it often shows up in very small moments. I still feel it even as the government destructs, cities burn, and planes fall out of the sky. I wonder how I feel more hopeful than I’ve felt in years past, as the things that matter to me: education, access, equality, health and more are threatened.
Personally, I’ve been working on quieting my mind in order to hear myself. There is always so much running through it: fear, anxiety, voices I’ve inherited, but on these long sprawling walks as I look up to the sky, I can hear myself so clearly. What matters to me is love, community, and fostering the gifts we all have. At the start of the year I spoke to a friend about this trend on Tik Tok called #hopecore. It’s a series of videos that highlight beautiful and positive things: siblings reuniting, winning an award, walking along the beach. I proclaimed to my friend that I needed hopecore in my own life: a series of positive events that reshaped my mind, making me believe that what I hope for in life is possible.
When I mentioned this to him, I was speaking in terms of my dating life as I felt very negative in that realm, but in the past few weeks I’ve been applying hopecore in other relationships. I traveled home to celebrate a longtime friend’s birthday and realized that maybe high school wasn’t as bad as I painted it in my head. I went to Seattle after a very heavy week and got my spirits lifted by eating and recording fun videos with a dear friend. My cousin and I spoke for a long time as I went through my day. I danced all last Friday night with my girl as we let the night decide where we would go. A few nights ago I stayed up late adding songs to a playlist for my friend’s unborn baby to listen to. Not sure if my friends notice this, but I am calmer these days and trying to let the world give me positive experiences that will offset the very real and true horrors in the world right now. And while some might think its my privilege that lets me think that, I say probably, but also communities are telling each other when ICE raids are, teachers are protecting students, and kids are still hopeful for a future where they can change the world around them. In my experience, I have always seen the most hope displayed by those whose circumstances warrant hopelessness.
Life never stops when bad comes around, in fact it’s often there that we pivot, redirect, and band together. I don’t know how we get out of this hellscape we are in, how we don’t crumble when we lose people we desperately need, but if I’ve learned anything in the last years of my twenties; its that until I die, nothing has yet to stop me from living.
I wish hopecore for us all.